Birth Bubble? Do you need one? What does it mean?
During a recent private refresher birth class, a phrase was used a lot...lock it down. What does it mean and and why is this phrase important to birth and the postpartum period?
It's time to LOCK IT DOWN!!!
It happens all the time...unsolicited advice and words of fear about birth coming from strangers...and family/friends. They may have the best of intentions, but typically its garbage that you don't need screwing with your head. Here are a few suggestions on how to LOCK IT DOWN!
1. Set-up boundaries. Being honest about your intentions, especially with close family, in your pregnancy can be freeing. Your birth is not about them. Sit down with your partner and hash out a plan. Then, have a conversation with the individuals that you are closest too. He needs to talk to his mom/sister/dad/aunt if you aren't comfortable. Only attend family events that you want to attend in the weeks leading up to your due month.
2. Hide the Facebook groups or take a Facebook hiatus. People say dumb stuff and its gets worse over the internet when you lose tones. Either limit it to groups that are more focused on positive help or ditch it completely. Negative information and stories get a lot more attention than positive. It's okay to block it out. And remind people that you and your partner will announce your birth when you are ready!!
3. Don't tell people your estimated due date. People ask because they are curious. And then they inquire daily once you reach that date. Their intentions may be good, but you don't need the added stress. Give them a due month or tell them something a few weeks later. Keep in mind that only 50% of women have their baby by 40 weeks 5 days.
4. Keep your babymoon time limited to select people that will provide you with the support you need. Once baby arrives, its a whole new ballgame. Your little family needs time to figure each other out and get to know each other. A constant stream of visitors prevents you from resting and nesting with your little one as well as introduces your babe to germs that are not needed. Keeping the people limited to true support, ie. people who will make you food and whom you feel comfortable hanging out naked from the waist up in your pjs, will help make the transition easier. If you feel like you have to entertain or feed your guests, you will become stressed and so will babe. Plan for this before baby arrives and make your intentions and needs known. Some people may have hurt feelings, but they will recover and hopefully understand it not about them...its about your new family. I made a cute little poster to help stop traffic at your door during the immediate postpartum time.
5. Don't tell people that you're in labour. Limit the people to a needs-to-know basis when labour starts. Labour can be long and boring. The more people that know, the more constant the buzzing of your phone with people who have good intentions...but are constantly checking in with you. Your partner needs to be focused on you and you need to be able to let go during labour. Its a special and intimate time.
Don't feel guilty. Right, easier said than done. Parenting is essentially about feeling guilty LOL. As women, we tend to put others needs above our own or try our best to not offend people. F it. Take care of yourself and your family. Your needs matter. Don't feel guilty blocking out negative people. Don't feel guilty telling a stranger it's none of their business when they say you look like you're going to explode at any minute (or feel free to ask them when they last had sex...anything awkward...).
To summarize, don't be afraid to LOCK IT DOWN!
With love and light,